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[07 Jan 2011|01:58pm] |
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its not writers block anymore if you dont care
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| you know im alone because i hate your stupid fucking guts |
[29 Oct 2010|02:52am] |
whats the point of anything anyway. social net(not)working.
this life of mine is pointless,
and it wouldnt point to you if it wasnt.
spread lies like a virus only one does more damage than the other.
i know this isnt on your friendspage,
and thats good and bad at the same time.
good because it means you cant roll your eyes at this.
but bad because it means they wont ever see this either.
yea i cut myself that night, my blood in the sink instead of heart.
i didnt want to die, but it wasn't for attention.
it wasnt even for a release of endorphins so i could escape the pain of living with the pain of scars. evidence.
the light at the end of the tunnel of love.
its funny how they say your life flashes before your eyes,
but i saw it flash in yours.
i saw it all. the universe in a set of pupils. and somewhere in that universe is a star that shines as bright as you. and a planet that orbits that star like i stay stuck around you.
the life there is all decomposing(a symphony) though.
only beacuse the life here is all dried up.
my skin is empty like the threats you make.
my toes are always numb from running back to you,
faces shot with the wrong kind of exposure.
the focus leaves you unfocused, and the negative leaves you feeling it.
sex.
left defenseless then left for good.
a solar flare beating in my chest to reach the sunshine of your yours.
i wouldnt love you if i knew you.
"And each morning she wakes
With a dream to describe
Something lovely that bloomed
From her beautiful mind
I said "I'll trade you one
For two nightmares of mine
I have some where I die"
i wish the key to happiness had copies.
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| i miss the uk |
[14 Oct 2010|01:46pm] |
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dude. so whoever sold me petelkw. fuck you.
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[10 Oct 2010|05:54am] |
dont know if anyone is still using this site. lmao. im kinda just getting back into the swing of things. if anyone reads this and feels like helping me out. thanks. i have some good usernames still. hope i still matter to you.
thanks
xo
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| pure writers block |
[13 Nov 2008|05:47pm] |
i write here when im scared its not good. because i dont care what any one thinks here.
her heartbeat bleeds my smile,
on a bathroom floor forgetting that anyone else exists.
i want you to just pick up the phone,
and not me from the tile floor.
im scared that you wont understand the things that i dont.
that love and heart are in perfect sync with your breathing patterns.
that outside i am just the atmosphere because youre my world.
pulling strings to pull you close to me.
i have fallen asleep with falling in love.
dreams on the tip of my tongue that cant make it through to the other side of your mouth.
teeth shining like wedding rings,
cold feet at the altar from walking on thin ice.
i throw up my guts when you threw away my heart.
the masterpieces take up the same amount of paper as the pieces of shit.
every word has been written,
i am just written off.
you would glow in the dark even without that halo around your head.
your teeth smile.
the IV pumps directly to my heart and onto this paper,
you wouldn't know what i think about you simply because the words dont exist.
would say you take my problems away but they dont exist anymore either.
im sorry this is all over the place,
my mind is in a prescription pill right now. i just want you to take me and make you feel better.
you reflect my worry when you bat your eyelids.
ive got a head rush from a headache.
my fingertips sleep through your hair.
sometimes when the fog falls around this city, the only thing i see clear anymore is you. my past and my future are at odds with the way you look right now.
head lights with bright ideas.
someone said "you have to work to make love work"
but honestly, our love just does.
we dont have to try, not saying we dont. but there isnt a thought in my head that doesnt revolve around your smile. i love you
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| (beca)use you(never know) |
[06 Nov 2008|11:15pm] |
she slipped up one too many times on i love yous. "i will never call you back" but i will never want you back either. the inside of my head is a safe, watch the numbers twirl in circles around your eyes. we leave traces of our former selves in the wrists of former lovers with low self esteem and lower expectations. she keeps a gun under her pillow at night to keep him out of her mind. or maybe its for when she gets too lonely before she goes to sleep. the turning and twisting of a stomach and pain, but the butterflies are in for a hell of a ride. at night the full moon sparkles and the out of focus stars dim. the sidewalk is candle lit. shes falling asleep, im just falling. anyone with half a mind would know shes always on mine. i take watch her smile a little bit leaning towards a stop sign. i cant tell if shes going to run into traffic or from me. but she runs back to me. she smiles again, looking up at my eyes while i look (settled) down. i blush like the fire hydrant behind us but even that cant blow like i do under pressure. im counting stars shes counting how long it takes before i just kiss her. inside my car i tell her the inside of my head is the last place she wants to be, but she knows thats the only place she fits in anymore. the only time i come to life is between her fingernails and inside her smile. my lips glow a dark blue because she takes the life out of me. im insane, i just want her to be the straight jacket. she keeps me grounded, anchored(but this ship will eventually sink). im sorry but you have everything wrong about what this means. you dont know how many times i will look into your eyes and forget that im sorry i forgot you exist. and sometimes, i roll my eyes before i roll down the windows to scream fuck you on the way out. sorry im so bi polar, its just we're going extinct before we had a chance to live. from outside her house i feel fresh out of prison, only instead of getting my clothes handed to me shes throwing them out of a third story apartment. i hear neighbors complaining about sleep, i tell them youre not the only one. i wont be sleeping for months because of this heartbeat. because its better off dead than better off as friends.
iloveyou. sorry.
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[19 Oct 2008|09:55am] |
im crazy. yea mostly. these days have been adding up like a body count. negative scores and attitudes. her smile was the only place i felt completely normal in. the side of my house is painted gold with all the promises shes made to herself but peeling with the ones she broke to me. forget a friend to remember what she meant to you. noone really cared about anyone. even in love it was just how the person made YOU feel. and even if u just wanted them completely happy it was still selfish. seeing the big picture in the small of your back. ive ran out oxygen climbing the mountains ive made out mole hills. she ran from her problems the way the tears ran down her cheek. her eyelashes told a story her wrists were too torn too. no mater how many times you hit the backspace key you still cant take back what you said. the space bar cant skip over an entire period of your life, just a few periods here and there. in the bath room i have found a cure for a bruise(d ego). silly heart strings as rusted as the nails in your coffin lid. she always had a way with words except when she spoke to me.....
down but not found out.
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| are you the magic trick or the applause? |
[17 Sep 2008|09:37am] |
the pool side of a bad dream.
palm trees in the darkest corners of my mind.
keep your lungs above water just incase.
but every tide and shoreline is just a roadmap to lead me back to you
love the car
love the kid
love the girls who wont call you back
and dont call back the ones who will
every smile is just a curse for my summer love
take a picture just before you lose all memory.
strike out my name to hit a homerun
the under dog whos more under the weather
give my misery a return receipt
admire the safe cracker for breaking more than a heart.
she tells me "you are my world baby boy" and i say youre the stars in my heavens
all the standard lines. its only when i write for myself that i really feel like i can do something extraordinary for her.
strum the guitar up and down like my moods.
im every fish in the sea before the nets or sharks catch them. just as naive.
people and places have all lost me
every gear shift is a chance to die
and every shift is the only way to you
make an excuse for everything, talk your way out of this.
you have no defense but you dont need one either.
this isnt an argument in "im right your wrong" just more of an "i love you dont do this"
the room is silent except for our adrenaline
chemical reactions spark intensity in my eyes.
i love you forever and i dont want you to hurt me anymore than you want me to love you
the history between us isnt found in crypts and pyramids but it feels just as ancient.
the way cleopatra loved caeser after he became emperor and not before
blonde hair dreams
just me and you before the sunrise that will never come in our eyes.
the bathroom is just as cold as your shoulder
and veins.
and mostly the time spent with you isnt spent at all. its not giving. its not taking. its not change for this. its just infinity. forever.
to be a star and not burn out.
or fizzle.
or just rot away.
dust bowls for my heartbeat and tumbleweeds for my veins.
but this is more than you can tell me in three words.
but i do love you
xo--stalloutboy
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| broken bones and vows |
[09 Sep 2008|05:38pm] |
she said "get those punching bags from under your eyes"
i laugh and tell her my conscience sleeps enough for both of us.
the world doesnt look so bad from the top of a mountain peak/peek.
feel like a cloud does while its evaporating.
the sunny side of life is just one side to a coin.
flip me over like a cassette you dont buy anymore even though you have a tape player in your car.
how the best part of every sunday is dreading monday.
or the day before.
you can make an excuse or make a promise.
make time to make history.
reach for the stars, reach for my hand.
hold on, dont hold out.
but the plate only looks white with burnt food on it
in a generation of "me, me, me"
i love you.
and the best you can ever make out of any situation is smiling.
feel bad for the match when the lighter came along.
feel bad for the map when GPS came along
genius is just an excuse to act like you know it all.
or another way to not have to listen to anything anyone says ever again.
"blah blah blah, x-y/134 times whatever" but hey i can write a sonnet.
taste the blood right before it comes out.
speak volumes to raising it
return address my heart
keep the curtains closed like your eyelids dreaming of me.
and maybe the distance between us is a way of keeping better track of the time we spend.
she tells me "dont act like you have me figured out"
but i do as soon as you walk into the room.
the drain pipe of a throat. the gushing lungs of giving up.
make my knees work for your affection
love is blind but i love the street signs
and the highway lines
break out like prison only less dramatic and poetic.
feel free only less free
but for the first time. i want it just as you and me
the break up of molecules for you
turn this misery to stone in the morning.
turn this town inside out,
make the hospital jealous of how you saved my life.
too many nights out with the lights out.
before sink drains, keep this locked up in your veins
the carpet only feels good on my face
and im not a doormat but i feel always one step infront of you.
or behind you. depending on how the sunset looks.
and anyway, im not really amazing but pretending to be is as close as you can be.
or you really are anyway<3
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| she told me, |
[08 Sep 2008|09:16pm] |
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ive got the meaning of life on my coffin lid.
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| i do, i do |
[30 Aug 2008|05:51pm] |
backstage pass out
give the curtain call a busy signal
the final credits are just a funeral for a masterpiece
the side ways sidewalk on the side of my face.
a gleam in my eye.
a street light about to die.
a gutter rat ready to fly.
you can make yourself magic without illusions
but noone cares enough to try
youre not scaring me.
call an ambulance in the woods.
the red rum on the side of the wall
a crypt for the cryptic
mysteries for the mystics
bring that plane down
a night out of luck
spinning down the lake.
put all your efforts into two sets of fingers
bumble bee make me free.
work me to death and back to rebirth
the drunk that loves the hangover.
the cigarette that loves lips
but the president will always vote for himself
put the chemicals in your veins for one day to feel like youre doing something more worthwhile than rotting away in a grave of your town
starving con-artist
we're just prostitutes in 1878 london
brick roads and walls that keep us apart
knives in our back and in our hands
the morning is a sunset for my memories
but the tide is too blue to forget you
the chance of a lifetime after i lived mine
there isnt magic at all, the real magic is knowing there is
xo
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[21 Aug 2008|10:15am] |
cut me. past me. maybe i have it all figured out but i probably dont. probably.
but theres always a hint of doubt. just a wink.
i drew a heart today. i created a woman yesterday.
funny but miserable. okay.
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| FALL OUT BOY |
[15 Aug 2008|12:10pm] |
one of the crew on board the titanic stayed afloat for hours on the grand staircase after the ship had already sunk. floating in the middle of the altantic, minutes before rescue, he rolled of the staircase and into the freezing water, saying only "what a night" as he tumbled into his grave.
am i only saying that becuase thats exactly how i feel at this very moment. exactly.
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| i only ever fill out subjects on ij |
[07 Aug 2008|08:38am] |
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i post in here alot. maybe too much. i mean i love all the heart beat name tags and shit but sometimes i just want to say why all of this. maybe you will get it one day.
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| de(e)pends |
[09 Jul 2008|12:00am] |
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so this is what we call what we think of in the middle of the nite. make a break for glory. love all the people who dont love me' sitting in a chair with no way out just a smile and a view. nothing means the same as me and you.
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| Friends only(forreal this time) |
[17 Jun 2008|07:04am] |
hearts that beat dont fight back. make your wishes against stars already burnt out like cigarettes only more desperate. tonight we lie in a bed that doesnt belong to us or to a heart that doesnt love us.
add me, xo
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